I'll take "Lapping Everyone on the Couch" for 5k, Alex

On Saturday, my son Alex and I ran a 5k race together. We did the Hilltop Hustle, because the registration fee went to a good cause, and the course took us on a lovely tour through campus (the KU campus is has really beautiful buildings- if you are ever in Lawrence, stick in your earbuds and stroll around for a while- but you also have to hit downtown... ok that's another post. Or two.).

We had 3 goals in registering for the 5k:

1. actually show up on race day
2. finish the race
3. do this together.

Now, please understand that:
    a- I am not a runner. I bike, and I X-Box Kinnect. (In my defense, Your Shape Fitness Evolved 2012 is AWESOME)
    b- I am great about signing up for stuff and talking myself out of actually doing it.
    c- Up until very recently I have not taken the time I should have to spend with my kids.

We didn't care if we placed at all, and my son was great all the times I had to walk by reminding me that we were still lapping everyone on the couch. We actually ended up walking and jogging most of the way, had some great conversation, got some fresh air, and finished in just under 45 minutes. We stretched a little, left, and went to Spangles and got celebratory breakfast (his idea), and joked about the fact that "we got up and did 5k before 9am- what did YOU do?". We had accomplished our 3 goals:

1. Show up- check
2. finish!- check
3. do it together!- CHECK! 

BONUS- we had a great time!!! We smiled, we laughed, we celebrated. We fist bumped. We high-fived. He hung his race number on his wall. We have an awesome memory together. Dammit, I forgot to ask someone to take a picture of the two of us at the end of the race, but I don't know that I'll forget it anytime soon.

A little later in the day, I realized that in our rush to get to breakfast, we had not stayed for the awards ceremony. Since Alex is under 12, he at least would have received a finishers medal. I quickly emailed the race organizer to let him know that I'd stop in later in the week to pick it up.

I suddenly felt horrible- like the worst mother in the world. Had I robbed my son of the opportunity to be recognized in front of all of the finishers?
I let Alex know about the award, and told him how sorry I was that we hadn't stayed.
He was quiet for a moment, but not long, then he reminded me.
"Mom, I'm kinda shy."
He's right. He doesn't do so well with public recognition. Once when he was younger someone gave him a very public happy birthday, and it put him in tears. Ok, so I  dodged the bullet on this time. But he didn't stop at reminding me that he's shy.
"Besides. The point was for us to do the race together. And I had a really good time. I want to do it again next year."
Wow, he really did get it. Sniffle. #proudmom.

Last night I got a reply from the race organizer. Alex placed third in his age division. I was so excited for him- I ran in to his room and told him and high-fived him and fist bumped and... he was happy. And said "cool". He was happy, but not as excited as he was that morning when we'd finished the race. To be fair, I did wake him up, and he sleeps very heavily. He did confirm this morning that he placed, and does still think it's cool, but the coolest most exciting part still was that morning.

At first I felt even worse that he hadn't been able to get his 3rd place recognition at the race, that somehow he'd missed out. But now I'm really glad that it worked out the way it did.
We celebrated what was important, and we celebrated together. We lapped everyone on the couch, and he placed in the process.

So that's all I've got for this post. I have no new insights, no new apps, nothing I've discovered online. Just a heartwarming experience I had with my son, and the realization that maybe I've done OK so far as a mom.
Or at least maybe I don't need to start saving for his therapy yet.

I use a social media tool differently now because of John Cusack.

As many of you know, I love social media. I love the way it can bring people together, the way we can share information about what is important to us, and the way we can make things happen. I think it's fascinating to watch the way marketing is changing because consumers are having more of a voice, and it's becoming more of a conversation.

Another thing I love is that I meet new people and discover new interests. There are all sorts of apps out there to help with that- you know them; Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pandora, Last.fm, reddit, Pinterest... the list goes on, and there are new ones every day. All have great uses for their markets, and some try to do more. (some really shouldn't)

I have profiles on a ton of different sites and apps- I lose track of them. It's helpful now that I can log in to many of them with Facebook or Twitter so that I at least don't have to keep track of so many passwords, but that's just convenience for me. How does that help me connect with others really?

Now I do use all of these sites and apps for different purposes. In no way do I want them all to be condensed into one site. I like that they have different places, different profiles (even though mine is much the same on all of them), different reasons for existence. Some I don't even know about, but love once I find them. Like GoBigg.

I believe the intent of this was really for contact points, not profiles- Facebook and Twitter, LinkedIn. I took it further and started adding all of my profiles. One reason is for me. I have one place to go to find all of my profiles (yay!). Another reason is so that people can find me.
Ok yeah, I get that I'm not that hard to find. So it's not REALLY about me, it's more about others. Really someone in particular.

John Cusack.  (@johncusack on Twitter)

NO, no, no, not THAT John Cusack. Well, yes, I mean, that WAS him, but I mean this one:

This is the one that Tweets random stuff and makes me laugh and seems like a real guy. This is the one that if I met him one day and he asked me to run away and marry him I'd say "What are you crazy? I don't even know you! But I'd love to have dinner and take it from there!"  I love John Cusack- there's more there than movie lines. He speaks intelligently, he's knowledgeable about world events, he has a sense of humor.

So I find myself thinking things like "I wonder if he posts on reddit? Or comments? If so, what kind of stuff? I bet I could find some new music from him if he has stations on Pandora. I bet if he subscribes to any youTube channels, they're good stuff..." Despite the love comment above, I'm not a stalker, I really just think that when I've seen him in interviews, he's interesting. I think he'd spread interesting stuff around. When your Twitter bio is "Apocalyptic shit disturber and elephant trainer", how could you not really post some interesting and random stuff?

So, on the off chance anyone wondered any of that about me, I put links to my profiles as I remember them on my goBigg profile page, and hope that someday I will find John Cusack's goBigg page with the same :).

So, since I'm pretty sure I'm not exactly using it as it was originally envisioned, my apologies the the people at GoBigg. But I'm kind of guessing that they'll adapt. And for anyone who is interested in what I post on reddit, or my stations on Pandora, or anything else I do publicly online- here's my GoBigg profile:

http://gobigg.com/dragynfire

While you're there, check it out, sign up. It's handy, free, and can clean up a lot of space on your website, online profiles, and business cards. :)

My Unenlightened Ass

I've been meditating for a while, off and on, and I'm finally going to get serious about it. I'm meditating at least once a day, and I think it's really going to help.

So I've decided that I need a zafu, or meditation cushion. I can't afford to buy one- they're pretty well outside the range of my budget (of $0), so I'm looking into making one. There seems to be about one set of instructions about how to make your own zafu out there, and many sites have posted and reposted that one set. If you'd like that official set, Google "how to make a zafu" and you should get them.

Please understand that I have friends who are crafty. I am not. Attempts at being crafty generally involve considerable risk to my safety, and possibly to the safety of those around me. Seriously. Goggles required when knitting. Moving on....

I don't have:

• the right material, 
• buckwheat hulls (the recommended filling), 
• sewing skills beyond basic, or 
• patience.

I DO have:

• a canvas bag,
• some memory foam padding,
• an unenlightened ass that hurts after a few minutes of sitting on it, and
• a sincere desire to calm the fuck down.

To be totally honest, my first thought for a DYI cushion was to find an actual cushion that was no longer in use. Like from an old sofa or chair, perhaps, that I could modify. That didn't happen.

I considered a pillowcase, sweatshirt, and a couple of other items for "starting material", but the canvas bag was the most sturdy to begin with. If I were craftier, I'd have decorated it more, or sewn patches from favorite t-shirts on it... but this way it can go back to being a bag sometime if needed.

So now I just have to do it. The bag will require a bit more sewing than I'd hoped, but if I find a ribbon or a nice cord, I can do holes and lace it through, that way it can become a bag again easily. And it will have handles, so I can easily take it to meditation group! Yay!. I'll let you know how it turns out.

For now, I think I'll borrow the pillow the dog uses as a bed. She's pretty zen about it, and prefers the furniture anyway.

I give society +Kred in sexism

So I got into a discussion with Kred today on Twitter about the fact that I was identified as a "mommy blogger" on their site. If you're unfamiliar with Kred, it's similar to Klout. If you're unfamiliar with either of them, they're both ways to try to measure one's online influence (basically with Twitter and Facebook). They both do it in different ways and people have mixed feelings about the real value of either, but I think, at the very least, they provide some useful information. You can find out more on their sites and check out my stats- I'll give you the links at the end so you don't get distracted.

So here's what I got into a discussion about. On Kred, they list the top communities where you have influence. One of the places they figure this out, is from the public interactions you have with people in your communities and what their specialties are- so apparently I'm somewhat connected to the airline community- who knew? My issue is the other place they decide where you have influence; by keywords in your bio. Here's my bio- it should look familiar, it's the one I use all over the place:

Mom, Geek, Techie, Dirt- Worshipper, Lover of Learning.


From that, Kred got my top communities: Mothers, Social Media, and.... Mommy Bloggers UGH!


Ok I don't know why it bothers me so much, but I find the term "Mommy bloggers" offensive. So I let Kred know.


dear @Kred, I'm a mom & have a blog, does not mean I'm a "mommy blogger". #offensive

Kred, appropriately, responds, and we go back and forth a couple of times.

Kred: @dragynfire Hi Heather - See how we determine top communities @http://t.co/kVgoYDJJ on the #Community tab

12:38pm, Apr 23 from Web

dragynfire: @kred yeah, read that. really does not make it any less offensive. Is there a "daddy bloggers" community for men?12:45pm, Apr 23 from HootSuite

Kred: @dragynfire Not currently, but we could definitely create one! What sort of keywords do you suggest to identify daddy bloggers12:50pm, Apr 23 from Web

dragynfire: @kred dunno, how do you identify mommy bloggers?12:54pm, Apr 23 from HootSuite

Kred: @dragynfire Using commonly used keywords in bios - wasnt sure if daddy bloggers used dif lingo - thanks again for suggestion12:58pm, Apr 23 from Web

Look, I don't blame Kred. It's not their fault that mommy bloggers is a term, or that I'm offended by it (or more accurately by the fact that daddy bloggers isn't a term). It's our society. It's our culture. No, we don't have daddy bloggers. They blog about fatherhood, and being a techdad, or about business, THEIR business (never mind that women blog about their businesses as well, but become mommy bloggers).  Maybe this isn't widespread, maybe it's just me.

Just out of curiosity, I decided to check 2 profiles of people I know identify themselves as dads in their bios to see what Kred says about them. Here's how it turned out:


@fondalo- Single Dad, Friend, Geek. I Tweet about Social Media, Mrktg, Tech. Love technology & Coffee! Make me laugh and lets connect!
Top communities: Social Media, Tech, Marketing


@danoah- I write a blog called Single Dad Laughing. My daily goal is to sucker punch you in the gut with words that make you think, laugh, and even cry once in a while.
Top communities: Mommy Bloggers, Fathers, Family


Am I being oversensitive about this?


Ultimately, Kred responded to me and had a conversation about it. They said "sure, let's make a daddy blogger community". And they're more transparent than Klout so far. It's not what this blog is about, but I think overall, I like Kred for trying to see what's up with my influence and outreach- I found out I was being retweeted and didn't even know it. I'll be even happier when they find ways to measure Pinterest, but I think that's a challenge for anyone. 


But let me stress one more time. Kred responded. Quickly. And very courteously. +Kred to Kred for customer service.


As promised, here are links to my Kred and Klout profiles.


Klout


@dragynfire

Waiting on Hold

I originally posted this on another of my blogs. I'm re-posting with much addition. Since there's 6 years or so between some of the thoughts, it may not flow... sorry 'bout that. My perspective has changed a bit.

Sometimes it feels like we have put our lives on hold to raise our children.

It seems that we don't have the time or money to do the things that we used to do, or the things that we want to do. I want to go to concerts, and theater, and yes, even live shows at clubs. I want to learn to dance (ballroom, swing, salsa,... belly?), I want to learn to play the guitar and piano, I want to learn to speak Spanish and French and Chinese. I want to go to soccer games, and football games, and basketball- yes, I know those are supposed be family events, but have you seen the cost of tickets for events lately? Maybe someday I will be able to afford to buy tickets for all of us, but by that time the kids will be out of the house. I want to travel, around the country, around the world.

I want to do all of this with my kids. (except the clubs probably. and some concerts.)

Last year we went to the Kanrocksas music fest. 2 days of music, and we camped there. We got the tickets as soon as they went on sale, and paid somewhere between $300-$400 for 2. If my kids had been just a few years older, I would have wanted to take them, but not at that price. But that was a great deal for that fest- the really frustrating thing is that so many activities and entertainment are priced like this! I remember looking at prices for Disney on Ice when my daughter was about 5, and being shocked that they could even call it a family event. It certainly wasn't priced for my family.

I know that there are lots of inexpensive and free things to do as a family. We go biking (cost- about $100 each bike at Wal-Mart, free helmets at helmet fair or fire station if they have an accident), camping (luckily have been able to get a lot of free gear from family, State Park pass is somewhere around $20 for one car), we're fortunate enough to live in a town where there are always lots of artsy things going on. And it's great for spending time together. Well, kind of... at any event where the city is gathering, the kids will find their friends and run off... which is fine. That's what kids do.

I've wanted to find affordable classes to explore new interests that my kids and I could take together. So far, I've not had much success (or any for that matter). I can imagine the challenges of instructing a class with such a range of ages, so I'm not really surprised that I'm not finding any classes, but still a little disappointed.

I KNOW there are really inexpensive ways to travel the U.S. and the world with a family, I personally just don't know what they are. If you do, feel free to leave suggestions in the comments.

Fortunately my daughter is almost old enough to be able to participate in adult-age classes with me.
It's a good thing, too, because I am tired of waiting on hold, and while the music is nice, it's getting a bit repetitive and stale.

Decisions keep needing to be made

I found this post from one of my old blogs that I did 6 years ago. I'm guessing from the way it's written that I was doing a lot of services at church around this time.
But the interesting thing is- much of it still applies. It feels like I have all this "stuff" going on that I'm trying to get through... turns out it's jut life. Go figure.

There are decisions to be made. I don't want to make them. I want them to go away- to just work out on their own. Waiting longer doesn't make it any easier, or any harder, just more urgent. As if adding pressure is going to help make a clear determination.

I have faced my demons often enough that they no longer scare me. I have allowed myself to be torn and destroyed, then recreated myself upon the ruins of who I once was. I have experienced such radical metamorphoses that I have felt the fabric of reality around me warp. The person I was 12, 10, even 5 years ago would not recognize me as I stand today.

I don't care to go through any of that again, which is one reason why decisions must be made, and also why I don't want to make them. If only I could glimpse what is further down any of the roads, I would have some idea of which one to take. But there is no crystal ball, I am not afforded the luxury of a flashlight or a map. I am feeling my way blindly in the dark. I do not feel alone in any sense of the word, however the decisions I need to make can me made only by me. At one time in my life situations as this would terrorize me. Now, it is yet another labyrinth to unravel, and to now I have avoided it at nearly all costs. And it has nearly cost me all.
Each time I have thought I have made a decision, life has presented a counter-offer of sorts. I don't know if there is a right or a wrong resolution. I continue on, delicately feeling my way by making only the smallest and most imperative choices. I know that I need to make the immense decisions before they are made for me- I am not one who does well with loss of control. That does not make it any easier.

Never in my wildest imagination did I foresee any of this. Never would I have thought that I would experience so much anguish after resolving what were the most personally emotionally painful times in my life.
I am the person I built around the unsalvagable remains of who I was. Can the person I am now continue to live the life created by who I once was, with the shadow of the past ever-present?
There are decisions to be made. The time has come to make them.

I Don't Want to be an Expert, or Why I Put All This Personal Stuff Out There

I recently read an article about "how to know when you are a social media expert". One of the 'signs' was that you have a good following- the author said that if you still get excited about every new follower or comment on a blog posting, you're not an expert yet.

I also read someone's Twitter policy, and they explained how they follow everyone (nice) and they manage their feed by searching keywords and following trends etc. that interest them. Makes sense, but the more I thought about it, the more I kind of didn't think it really fit for me. I like seeing what people are talking about even if it might not be something I think I'm interested in. I've found a lot of really cool stuff that way, and I've found stuff for other people that way- which is really even more fun for me.

So  I've decided that I don't want to be an expert. I love social media just for that, for the followers and for the comments, and don't want to be doing it anymore if I ever lose that excitement. Yeah, there's the business and marketing side to it, which I also find fascinating, but I LOVE social media because I think it brings people together in a way that nothing else can.

I remember once hearing a story about a woman who started using Twitter, and by beginning to connect with people through that, was able to come out of  a deep depression that had previously kept her from interacting with others.

I have darn near a dozen ways to follow me if not more, and I'm pretty open and honest on all of them. I don't think it's because I'm so egotistical that I think that many people want to know about me, or so narcissistic that I want to see ME all over the place. 

What it comes down to is that I just don't think anyone should ever feel alone if at all possible.

Someone once said to me that it's the worst thing to be alone in the middle of the night and feel like you have no one to call.

I haven't been in that position, but man, I bet it is.

I can't be that person that everyone can call in the middle of the night. I can't even be that person that can reply to everyone's mentions on twitter. But if someone can read something I post and say "oh thank god, I thought I was the only one!", then at least they know they are not the only one. They're not alone.

And that's something. 

Work I should be doing

Easy enough. Now, I just need figure out how to support my family doing it.

Cats love depressed people

I know, it's ironic, because cats just make me feel so happy. But I came to this realization as I went through my recent "I don't want to get out of bed-ness" after losing my job.

My cat, Scrappy  (pictured here), was totally up for sleeping 20 hours a day. I can just hear his thoughts... "yep, naptime again! what are  you doing up? ok, we can curl up on the couch with a blanket, the ice cream will help. nah, don't clean it up, we'll lick it off later... Naptime!"
He was totally digging this depressed thing.
Now I'm getting up, taking showers, and wearing deodorant (you're welcome those who come into contact with me).

His highness is not pleased.

People are People

A few years ago I got the greatest job. I loved it, I loved my staff, I was great at it.

Two weeks ago I lost that job.

I really don't want to focus on that, I have already spent way too much time doing that. What I want to talk about is a decision I made that seemed odd to some people.

I posted my job loss on Facebook.

I said "lost my job today. definitely have had better days." The next 24 hours brought messages of support and offers for consulting and planning from career coach friends. When people asked why, I quoted what the letter I'd been given said- that it was in the best interests of the University. I did not state my personal opinions about my boss, or the politics at play that resulted in that decision.

Yet I still heard some backlash. Apparently some felt that was far too personal to share on Facebook. And I have a decent number of friends who are (now former) co-workers, making it further inappropriate.

Then there was the OLD co-worker factor. The ones that I couldn't wait to get away from when I got this job. THEY now knew (as someone was a friend of a friend) that I "couldn't cut it".... wow, ouch. Salt in the wound. And I'd given them the salt.

First off, the recent co-worker thing. Really? As if they wouldn't know otherwise? They're still my friends, and if not, they can click the button to unfriend me.

OK, the old co-worker thing, I hadn't taken into account. But, ultimately, I really don't care. I'm still moving on to better things, (that last job was a step up, and the next one will be too)- they are still where they were when I left. Wow, now I feel bad for them. They're just people, and probably too scared to move on.

So about sharing personal information. I do not have is a tight-knit family consisting of several siblings and neighbors who live on the same block in the same houses where we've all lived for the past 40 years.
I have friends and family who are spread out around the country and who have lives and who are busy. At the time of this writing, I have 225 Facebook friends. I have personally met all but I believe 3 of them. The outpouring of support I received from that post was truly heartening. I do not regret, at all, showing that level of vulnerability. People lose jobs. I'm people. My community- my 225 and growing community- came to my aid when I needed it in the way they could. Some I would never have thought to ask for help, but they offered.

Because of my Facebook community, I'm finding hope in people again. And I'm people.